港孩有救之中國人父母管教比西人好
葉一知
今天南華早報報道，一位華裔美國學者Amy Chua，在華爾街日報專欄寫了一篇「為甚麼中國父母更優越」(Why Chinese mothers are superior)的文章，大談自己如何管教出兩名非常出色的孩子，並以此證實，中國人父母的教育觀比西人父母優勝，惹來國際激辯，也令香港父母關注。其文章的要點如下：
- Amy在專欄很自豪地告訴讀者，她有一次要女兒用一整晚練好一首歌，當中不准進食和如廁。又有一次，因為大女對派對賓客不尊重，她便在眾人面前叫大女垃圾
- 中國人父母都明白，在你把一件事做得好好之前，沒有甚麼是有趣味的。要做好一件事，你必須去做，而孩子就是甚麼都不想做，所以最重要的，是無視他們的意願
- 她認為，中國人孩子在學校比西人表現更好，自然將來在工作上也更成功，那全是因為中國人父母在孩子童年時施以嚴苛的教育，並極度重視學術成績
- 西人那種不嚴苛、要跟孩子建立感情的方法，只會教出成就不高的成人
- 西人父母總要尊敬孩子的獨立性，鼓勵他們追求真我性情，支持孩子的決定，提供正面支持的培育環境。相反，中國人相信保護孩子的最佳方法，是為他們準備好將來，令他們看見他們能夠做到的，並為他裝備技能、工作習慣、無人能打擊的內在信心
Amy還提醒大家，千萬不要容許孩子做以下的事：
- 在朋友家過夜玩耍
- 相約玩耍
- 參與學校的遊樂時間
- 投訴不能參與學校的遊樂時間
- 看電視或打機
- 自行選擇課外活動
- 取得A以外的成績
- 在任何科目(體操和話劇除外)不是第一
- 學習鋼琴和小提琴以外的樂器
- 不懂鋼琴及/或小提琴
天啊，港孩有救了。Amy此文發人深省，狠狠摑了西方文化一巴掌，為國出氣，唔係，佢所屬的國係美國，為中華民族出氣，實在大快人心。
西方父母常說尊重個人，實在大錯特錯，在如此教育長大下的人，雖然長大後較能分辨是非和學會尊重其他人，包括沒有成就的人，將來也沒有甚麼隱性的童年陰影，但因為本身成就平平，便終身都有問題。要知道人類養育孩子的目的，並非要他們將來做一個開心豁達懂黑白的人，而是必須做一個有成就的人，而且必須在廿歲前有成就，即以入到名牌大學為成就目標，才叫做有成就。如果你沒有這等出身，即使以後多有成就，也是沒有成就，所以美國眾多有成就的人因為沒有在廿歲前便得到此等成就，所以在世人眼中其實也是冇成就。此所以為何歐美的人永遠追不上我們中國人。
中國人深明，在你把一件事做得好好之前，沒有甚麼是有趣味的，西方人卻永遠不明白。我們都認為，西方人有傑出成就的人，例如史匹堡、羅琳等人，在未有成就前，都不會覺得電影或創作有任何趣味，直至他們成功了，有了錢才有趣味。西方人永遠不如中國人明白，最終還是有了錢一切才有趣味，所以他們永遠追不上中國文化。
Amy有此發現，何不舉家回來香港呢？要知道香港或中國人父母必然支持你的看法。須知道，西方父母教學在本質上和結構上有此重大缺憾，教出來的孩子一定比中國父母教出來的孩子次等。外國大中小學充斥着的，就是這些次等孩子，包括Amy任教的耶魯大學，這些學校的導師、管理層人員等等，也是次等教養下的次等孩子，Amy堂堂中國人，有此血統優勢，不怕適應不了中港生活，何不快快舉家回來生活讀書，不要讓自己的孩子再接受次等人的教育，不要讓他們在次等文化水土浸淫下去，不然必會毀了前途。中國文化正好有孟母三遷，只要Amy回來跟中國管教文化大結合，孩子必然超英趕美啊。
何況，香港父母實在很須要Amy作為精神領袖。Amy回來開一家學校，也保證發過豬頭，不愁五代生活。Amy啊，你知道香港的港孩問題多嚴重嗎？人生出來沒有成就怎辦？我明白，在你領導下，香港必有部分港孩受不了而自殺或走上歧途，但這只證明他們本身能力不足，由一歲起人便應汰弱留弱，競爭力弱的港孩死不足惜，廿年後，全港就只餘下精英，再沒有港孩，不是造福香港嗎？只少，在你的領導下，香港會湧現大量鋼琴家和小提琴家，西九文化區便有看頭了。
再引伸下去，中國歷來的嚴苛管治，是走對了路啊。一個政府，不應理會人民的意願，人民不應有獨立個性，其意見也不應受到尊重。因為一個國家要成功，最重要是人人超努力工作，而人總有惰性，或有不願做的事，所以一定要用強硬手段，無視人民訴求，因為政府自有最好的安排，一切都是為了國家的未來。有說中國人很難有民主，但Amy的管教文化優劣論告訴大家：中西的管治文化優劣已有定論，中國人不需要民主，只需要有計劃的強勢政府。你說，如果美國沒有民主自由，我們中國可以硬性叫Amy舉家回來建設中國，你說多好呢？如果Amy早有此發現，一早就不應讓他出國，讓他舉家在中國人社會建設國家，我們中國的發展，還不快歐美七百年嗎？
美國股神畢菲特(我想找一個在中國人父母管教下而成的股神，但十幾億人裏我始終找不到一個，讀者想起請告訴我)曾說：我有今日的成就，是因為我適時在一個適合的國度裏出生並生活。股神口中的國度當然是美國，但Amy已推翻此話，要像股神、蓋茨、Google、facebook等創辦人有成就，你下世投胎千萬不要選美國，要選中國，因為這裏的父母可以把你們養育成才。還說來生不做中國人？傻B，做幾世中國人也行，在美國出生便可嘛。
報道英文原文：
Tough-love Chinese mother draws shock and awe
Alex Lo
Updated on Jan 13, 2011
A leading Chinese-American scholar has ignited a debate about an age-old East-West divide - parenting.
Amy Chua, an influential political writer and law professor at Yale University, wrote an incendiary column in The Wall Street Journal over the weekend arguing Chinese mothers are better at raising children than women in the West.
Her column has been debated in major US newspapers and top-rating TV shows such as Today, and picked up by the international media. And it has generated intense interest among parents in Hong Kong, whose own upbringing methods are similar to that described by Chua, if not even more extreme.
Provocatively titled "Why Chinese mothers are superior", the 2,500-plus-word column - which at times borders on hilarity because of the extreme approach Chua describes in disciplining her two young daughters, Sophia and Louisa - has generated more than 3,000 reader responses on the Journal's website, some with praise but most with vitriol.
She proudly declared she once kept a daughter up late at night to get a piano piece right, without food and washroom breaks. At another time, she upset guests at a party by telling everyone she once called her older daughter "garbage" because she was being disrespectful.
A few Journal readers admire her honesty, but many accuse her of child abuse. Several posts even threaten violence to Chua, not only for her parenting style but for, as they say, being a racist.
"What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at it," Chua writes. "To get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences."
She argues that Chinese children are often more successful in school - and later at work - than Westerners because of the tough discipline their parents impose throughout childhood, with an extreme focus on academic achievements.
Chua contrasts that with the more "touchy-feely" approach she claims is largely favoured by Westerners and which she says produces far less accomplished adults. She says the Western focus on self-esteem often backfires; the child grows up and accomplishes little or nothing.
Chua also states there is a fundamental difference between American and Chinese mothers - "tiger mums", she calls them - though she admits there are gradations.
"Western parents try to respect their children's individuality, encouraging them to pursue their true passions, supporting their choices, and providing positive reinforcement and a nurturing environment," she writes. "By contrast, the Chinese believe the best way to protect their children is by preparing them for the future, letting them see what they're capable of, and arming them with skills, work habits and inner confidence no one can ever take away."
Tom Yam Hin-bong, 64, a Hong Kong-based management consultant who holds a doctorate in electrical engineering and an MBA from the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania, has raised two daughters in the US. Both are now highly successful adults.
"It's really sad Chua is trying to dictate what kind of life her children should have," Yam said. "It's kind of disgusting to try to monopolise the children and their characteristics."
Yam believes it is far better to inculcate a love of learning and knowledge in children than forcing them to achieve an A in every subject. He questions whether Chua's own accomplishments stemmed from her own parents' strict upbringing or from her father as a role model.
"Her father was a very famous engineering professor at UC Berkeley," Yam said. "I read his book on non-linear systems."
Yam believes the controversy comes at a time when many Americans are worried about their economy, the decline of American influence aboard, the rise of China and the dominant presence of Asians on the campuses of top US universities.
While accounting for only 5 per cent of the US population, Asians make up 20 per cent of student bodies of Ivy League schools. At the University of California Berkeley and at UCLA, Asians - who make up about 13 per cent of the California population - fill around half the places.
However, Tracy Yau, the wife of a successful surgeon in Hong Kong, supports Chua. "I think what she wrote is very positive," she said.
Her two daughters, aged 15 and 17, are both straight-A students studying at an ESF school, and the eldest, graduating this year, has already been admitted to a top-ranking British university.
Her daughters started learning French, Japanese, piano, the flute, pottery, tennis and golf while young.
"I think Chua captures the essence of how most Chinese parents think about the future of their children," Yau said. "Her method may be a bit extreme but what she wrote about setting goals and working to achieve them sounds just about right.
"Life is tough. You have to struggle and endure to earn the good things in life. For a young person, studying hard is a kind of struggle."
Her older daughter added: "I think what I learn from mother is how to set goals and work towards them, and never give up ... and the value of hard work."
Additional reporting by Howard Goodman
Ideal approach?
According to Chinese-American academic Amy Chua, children should never be allowed to:
* Attend a sleepover
* Have a playdate
* Be in a school play
* Complain about not being in a school play
* Watch television or play computer games
* Choose their own extracurricular activities
* Get any grade less than an A
* Not be the number one student in every subject except gym and drama
* Play any instrument other than the piano or violin
* Not play the piano and/or violin.
